Achieving Success in Business, Love and Marriage: A Holistic Approach

My first day in grad school, many years ago, I attended a course titled "Fundamentals of Marriage and Family Counseling." My professor introduced herself and then wrote three words on the board:

1. Money

2. Intimacy

3. Division of Labor

She explained that while we would learn countless techniques, skills, and theories, nearly all marital problems would ultimately fall into these three categories. Her words stuck with me, and in later years as my professional and personal life unfolded, their truth became undeniable.

As a small business owner, I know firsthand that the pursuit of profit and operational excellence often takes center stage. We meticulously manage inventory, refine marketing strategies, and strive for that perfectly executed custom order. Yet, amidst the daily demands of running a business, it's easy to overlook a critical element that profoundly impacts our overall well-being and, by extension, our professional success: our personal relationships, especially our marriages and romantic partnerships.

The Grim Statistics

Numerous studies have explored the intersection of marriage and entrepreneurship. Data consistently indicates that small business owners face a divorce rate 5% to 10% higher than the U.S. national average. When you consider it, the three core areas of marital conflict—money, intimacy, and division of labor—are significantly exacerbated by the financial, physical, and emotional demands entrepreneurs face.

In my business consultancy practice, I adopt a holistic approach. When engaging with startup business owners, I make it a point to speak with both the owner and their spouse or partner. It's crucial for both individuals to be aware of the unique challenges their relationship will encounter. I want them to begin this entrepreneurial journey with their eyes wide open, and hopefully offer some wise counsel to help them avoid the pitfalls that can destroy their relationship.

Owning a business is akin to having a newborn baby. It constantly demands your time; in fact, your dedicated time is crucial for its survival and growth. While you undoubtedly love your business, there will be moments when you resent the immense demands and attention it requires. Your business becomes like a third party in your marriage, inevitably leading to disagreements about the sacrifices and demands necessary for its success.

This demanding entity can permeate every aspect of one's life. For many entrepreneurs, the lines between work and home blur, creating unforeseen pressures on personal partnerships. Spouses, while often supportive of an entrepreneurial journey, may not have anticipated the pervasive nature of business ownership: the late nights, constant mental engagement, or the financial ebb and flow that can create tension.

Common challenges emerge: a significant other might feel neglected when "just one more email" extends into family time, or a promised weekend getaway transforms into an unexpected networking opportunity. Financial reinvestment into the business, while essential for growth, can also strain the household budget, impacting personal leisure or shared experiences. These scenarios, though subtle, can cumulatively erode the foundation of a healthy marriage.

Cultivating Harmony: Strategies for Business and Relationship Health

Fortunately, achieving a flourishing business and a robust marriage are not mutually exclusive goals. By adopting a holistic approach that integrates mindful business practices with intentional relationship nurturing, entrepreneurs can create a sustainable model for both professional and personal fulfillment.

Here are actionable strategies to help small business owners navigate this delicate balance:

• Implement Structured "Sacred Time": Just as you schedule client consultations and production deadlines, prioritize and block out non-negotiable time for your relationship. This includes regular date nights, dedicated family dinners, or even brief, uninterrupted conversations. Treat these appointments with the same respect and commitment you would a high-value business meeting. It is also important to take a vacation together, away from business. Remember why you married them? It’s good to rekindle that romance once in a while.

• Establish Digital and Conversational Boundaries: Designate specific "no-business zones" and "no-business hours" within your home and daily routine. The bedroom, for instance, should be a sanctuary free from work-related discussions or digital distractions. Consciously shift focus away from shop talk during meals or leisure activities to foster genuine connection.

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  • Master the Art of Delegation: Recognize that you cannot, and should not, do everything. Empower employees, outsource non-core tasks, or consider engaging professional services for areas like accounting or marketing. You can also delegate household responsibilities; hire a cleaning service or landscaper, or errand runner, the expense is minor and keeping the peace over who’s turn it is to take out the trash is priceless. Delegating responsibilities frees up invaluable time and mental energy, reducing your personal burden and allowing for greater presence in your relationship.

• Communicate Vision, But Not Every Detail: If your spouse is not involved in your shop, they should understand your business aspirations and challenges, but they don't need a blow-by-blow account of every operational hiccup. Share your successes, your strategic direction, and your passion, but filter out the exhaustive minutiae that can induce fatigue or disinterest. Maintain a level of transparency that informs without overwhelming.

• Set Firm Client Boundaries: Professionalism includes setting clear expectations with clients regarding availability. Avoid the temptation to be perpetually "on-call." Establishing specific business hours and communicating them effectively will help manage client expectations, reduce last-minute demands, and protect your personal time. Saying "no" appropriately reinforces your boundaries and your value.

• Celebrate All Achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate both professional milestones and personal victories. Did your business achieve a significant sales target? Fantastic! Did your spouse slay their marketing presentation at their job?  Equally fantastic! Did your fourth grader take second in the county spelling bee? Time for a party! Recognizing efforts and successes in both spheres reinforces positivity and mutual appreciation within your partnership.

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  Foster Financial Alignment: Maintain open and honest communication about business finances with your spouse, particularly if they are directly or indirectly impacted by the business's performance. Business bank accounts should always be separate from personal household accounts. All finances should be transparent. Schedule a monthly meeting together to review finances, reconcile statements, review budgets and evaluate your mutual financial goals. Consider establishing separate personal discretionary funds to reduce friction over everyday expenditures and maintain individual autonomy. I like to call it “mad money.” We each get $100 cash a week to spend on fancy coffee, a happy hour Friday margarita with my besties, or a new fishing rod. No questions asked.

• Schedule Regular Checkups: You schedule regular oil changes and tune-ups for your vehicle, right? Why aren’t you doing the same for your marriage? Establishing effective communication in your relationship is crucial, and it takes practice. Have a weekly “check-in.”  Ask, “What can I do this upcoming week that will make your life easier? Or, I know you have a lot going on at work, how can I best support you?” Talk about those little things, annoyances or concerns and respectfully come up with a solution. Conversely, it is equally important to express appreciation for the things that your partner does that are meaningful and helpful; “I appreciated how you noticed I was having a rough day and took charge of the kids’ bedtime last night when they were being little monsters so I could relax and take a bath.” Left unchecked petty grievances can become huge blow ups. Everyone wants to feel valued, heard, and appreciated, especially by their spouse.  Just like you would take your car to a mechanic to diagnose a check engine light, it is never a bad idea to visit a reputable therapist to help you resolve any issues that can’t seem to be resolved. Therapy is much cheaper than divorce.

• Embrace Humor and Perspective: The entrepreneurial journey is rife with challenges, and maintaining a sense of humor can be a powerful coping mechanism. Shared laughter and a balanced perspective can alleviate stress, diffuse tension, and strengthen your bond, reminding you that not every business setback is a marital crisis. Send each other a flirty text, a joke, or schedule a call during your lunch hour just to talk for fun.

  

The custom framing industry offers immense opportunities for creativity and financial reward. However, true success extends beyond the balance sheet. By consciously investing in and protecting your most important personal relationship, you are not just building a profitable business; you are constructing a resilient and fulfilling life. Prioritize the art of living as diligently as you master the art of framing.